


water under the bridge

by lefargen



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, But only for two seconds, Character Study, Drinking, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Self-Discovery, side tendery, tw:vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-09 15:49:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20997353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lefargen/pseuds/lefargen
Summary: Lucas has never been into dudes, but hey, he's been wrong before.Or: Lucas and Xiaojun meet at University and it takes way too long for Lucas to realize that he's in love with his best friend.





	water under the bridge

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone!! this is my interpretation of the prompt #W075 for weishenfest!! i hope you all (especially the original prompter!) enjoy!
> 
> this is so fun, i feel like king of the masked singer lmao
> 
> this is a uni au set in america just fyi. also i am always unsure of whether i should use stage names or real names so bear with me please.

“Welcome to College,” Kun says, kneeling next to Lucas and gently rubbing his back as the younger throws up everything he’s consumed in the last twelve hours into Kun’s pristine white toilet bowl. He’d just cleaned it too. 

“I’ve been in college for months,” Lucas says, pulling away from the toilet and wiping his mouth. He thinks he’s done throwing up, but he doesn’t have enough energy to pull himself up off of the floor yet. 

Kun leans over him, flushing the toilet before ruffling Lucas’ hair. “You aren’t an official college student until you nearly die of alcohol poisoning!” Kun laughs like he’s just told the funniest joke in the world, alerting Lucas that his friend isn’t entirely sober right now either. 

“That’s not very good advice old man,” a new voice enters the room. Lucas looks up to see Hendery standing there, holding out a glass of water, which Lucas takes greedily. “Binge drinking is a big problem with college students, you know,” Hendery says cheekily, like he himself hadn’t spent most of the night pressuring them into tequila shots. 

“It’s okay,” Kun speaks up, “We’ll take care of each other and make sure we don’t ruin our own lives,” and Lucas, despite being completely inebriated, knows he is telling the truth. 

Much to everyone’s surprise, Lucas was really nervous about beginning college. Sure he was popular in high school, but he never quite felt like he belonged. He definitely was liked, but he never felt _known_. It was like people had made assumptions about him, labeling him as the perfect one, without actually bothering to get to know who he actually was. He was worried college would be much of the same. 

However, things were different from the start. Lucas can’t help but think it was a form of divine intervention that brought him and his roommates together. Lucas was apprehensive about living in a suite with three boys he didn’t know, but it was clear from day one that they were all going to get along swimmingly. He has more fun with his roommates than anyone else.

Lucas was known for being a funny person, but Hendery and Yangyang are next-level crackheads. The two are always doing insane gags, trying to outdo each other, and Lucas laughs so hard his stomach hurts on a weekly basis. 

Xiaojun is funny too, but in a different, more accidental way. He is always flustered, dropping things left and right. Lucas finds him so cute and endearing, that he almost prefers his clumsiness to Hendery and Yangyang’s more purposeful comedy. He may be biased however, since Xiaojun is the one with whom he shares a bedroom, and arguably the one he has become the closest with. 

In another stroke of fate, they quickly learned that Hendery and Yangyang had mutual friends. Yangyang’s older brother Kun was best friends with Hendery’s long-time boyfriend Ten. The two older boys lived together in an apartment off-campus with a third boy, Winwin. The seven of them met up for pizza the first week of classes, and the rest is history. 

Lucas became closer with the six of them than with anyone else he’s known before, despite having only met them several months ago. Since college began, he’s slowly let his guard down, leading to tonight where he let himself get really drunk for the first time ever. 

Sure, he was nervous about doing something stupid or embarassing himself, but he’s learned to trust his friends. Plus, he had to admit he had fun tonight, despite the unfortunate ending. 

“You doing okay, buddy?” Hendery asks, breaking Lucas out of his trance. He looks at his friend and nods slightly, grateful for the care his friends have been giving him tonight. 

“I feel like ass, but I’ll live,” Lucas replies, eyes already drooping. 

His eyes are closed already by the time he feels Kun help him stand, guiding him towards the living room. He hears Hendery call out a quiet goodnight before heading off to Ten’s room to sleep for the night. 

They get to the living room and Lucas opens his eyes for long enough to recognize Yangyang passed out on the couch and Xiaojun scrolling through his phone on the queen size air mattress on the floor. 

Kun drops him down next to Xiaojun, the flimsy mattress feeling like a bed of clouds to Lucas’ drunk and tired body. 

“I’ll look after him, don’t worry,” Xiaojun promises, smiling up at Kun. “You should go to bed, staying up this late isn’t good for someone your age,” he jokes. Kun shushes him slightly, ruffling Yangyang’s hair before heading out of the room. 

Lucas is physically exhausted, but now that he’s sobered up a little bit, he finds himself unable to sleep. He can’t help but feel slightly self-conscious at the events that transpired. Tonight was the drunkest he has ever been, and he feels guilty that his friends had to take care of him in such an inebriated state. 

“Hey Xiaojun,” he says softly, careful not to wake up Yangyang who is asleep several feet in front of him. 

“Yeah?” his friend whispers back, shutting his phone off and turning towards Lucas. The room is dark, especially now that the light from Xiaojun’s phone no longer aids his vision, but he can still vaguely make out the boy’s soft eyes and sharp jawline. 

“I’m sorry you guys had to take care of me tonight. I hope I wasn’t too much of a burden…” he trails off. 

Xiaojun is quiet for a moment, before he pulls the taller boy into his embrace, wrapping his arms tight around Lucas’ middle. They are a touchy-feely group, and Lucas never shies away from a cuddle. He likes it best when it’s him and Xiaojun, however, because he seems to be the only one who understands that Lucas, despite his size, likes to be the little spoon. 

“You’re not a burden to us,” he reassures Lucas, rubbing his tummy gently. “We love you, and we’ll take care of you when you need us. Just like I know you’ll be there for me and the others when we need you.” It’s not much, only a couple of words, but it’s enough to calm down the negative thoughts patrolling Lucas’ brain. 

He lets himself sink deeper into Xiaojun’s embrace, finally giving in to the sleep he so desperately needs. He passes out with a smile on his face, grateful that he has _finally_ found his people. 

☽

Lucas’ favorite thing about going out is getting breakfast with his friends the morning after. Granted, he usually isn’t monstrously hungover, but even his pounding head couldn’t stop him from the stack of pancakes he is about to devour. 

“So,” Winwin speaks up as the rest of them dig into their food, “about next weekend…” he trails off before being interrupted by Yangyang whining. 

“I haven’t even recovered from last night and you’re talking about next weekend already?” he groans loudly. Lucas laughs, knowing full well that Yangyang will be down for whatever Winwin has planned. 

“Okay then, this invitation is for the rest of you since Yangyang uninvited himself,” Winwin carries on, causing the youngest to complain again. They all laugh, and Winwin continues, “My friend Jaehyun is having a party next weekend. It’s a costume party though, so if you want to go you have to dress up,” he explains to them. 

Ten sits up immediately from where he was leaning on Hendery’s shoulder. “Oh my god, yes! This is just what I needed,” he exclaims, none of them questioning his enthusiasm. Ten is a fashion student afterall, this is his area of expertise. “I’m going to design me and Hendery the best costumes, we are going to be the hottest couple at the party,” he exclaims. His less-enthusiastic, hungover boyfriend doesn’t seem to be paying attention to a word his boyfriend is saying, instead focusing on the yogurt parfait in front of him. 

“Great, everyone else in?” Winwin asks, and everyone nods, except for Xiaojun. Winwin turns to him, and the younger has a sour expression on his face. “I’ll think about it,” he says quietly, and the rest of them nod, shifting the conversation to Kun’s internship interview that is happening next week. 

Lucas looks over at Xiaojun sitting next to him, and sees a deep-set frown on his face. Lucas doesn’t know what he’s thinking about, if it’s the costume party or something else, but he hates seeing the boy upset. 

Lucas knows Xiaojun well enough to know that he doesn’t like a lot of attention on him at once, so he decides to ask him about it another time when they are alone. For now, he puts a gentle hand on his thigh, reminding Xiaojun that he is always there for him. The distressed boy turns to him, giving him a gentle smile in return, and breakfast continues on as normal. Lucas’ hand doesn’t move from Xiaojun’s thigh until it’s time to leave. 

☽

The weeks passes by quickly for Lucas, immediately getting lost in the monotony of his academic life once again. But as the weekend quickly approaches, he realizes he needs to talk to Xiaojun about what was bothering him during breakfast last week, and ask him if he’ll be attending the party with the rest of them. 

Despite being roommates, it’s not till Wednesday that Lucas has the opportunity to talk to Xiaojun, waiting until they are settling into their beds to bring up the topic. 

“Hey Xiaojun,” Lucas says casually, looking across the room at him, “Are you coming out with us this weekend?”, noticing the way the other boy tenses up immediately. Xiaojun hesitates for a second, before biting his lip and responding apprehensively. 

“I just-,” he begins before cutting himself off abruptly. He takes a deep breath before continuing “I just had a bad experience at a costume party once,” he finally admits, refusing to meet Lucas’s eyes. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lucas asks gently, careful not to pry. Xiaojun considers his request for a second, before sighing deeply. 

“I don’t want you to look down on me,” Xiaojun confesses, causing Lucas to immediately shake his head, getting up from where he is lying to sit next to Xiaojun on the smaller boy’s bed. “I’m never going to judge you, okay? You can tell me anything, we’re best friends” he promises, reaching out to grab onto his friend’s hand. 

Xiaojun holds onto his hand like a lifeline, before finally explaining to Lucas his apprehension. “When I was in high school I was bullied. A lot. And I had like zero friends,” he begins, shocking Lucas. He can’t imagine anyone not wanting to be Xiaojun’s friend. 

“I moved to a new school in the middle of 10th grade, and I immediately was deemed an outsider. Everyone already had their group of friends and no one invited me to join,” he explains.

“Then one day I partnered up with one of the most popular boys in school to work on a project, and he invited me to a costume party that weekend,” Xiaojun continues, and Lucas can already tell he isn’t liking where the story is heading.

“I was really nervous, but I was just- I was so lonely. I wanted friends and he seemed like a nice guy. So I dressed up in this _ridiculous_ Kermit the Frog costume that my mom made for me and went to the party anyway. And when I got there, I was the only one in a costume, and I realized they were all playing a prank on me. They laughed at me, and I-I never felt like such an outcast in my entire life. I just wanted to disappear,” Xiaojun finishes, leaving Lucas completely shocked. 

Lucas feels absolutely heartbroken upon hearing his best friend’s story. Xiaojun has the kindest hearts of anyone Lucas has ever met and he is so worthy of love, more than anyone else he’s encountered. Knowing that he was the victim of such heartlessness makes him want to cry, hold his best friend, and punch something all at once. 

Lucas reaches out and pulls Xiaojun into a tight embrace, rubbing his back as the smaller boy trembles at the memory. “I would never judge you for something like that. In fact, I respect you so much, Xiaojun. That you’ve managed to stay so gentle and kind despite the cruelty you’ve experienced,” Lucas murmurs gently into his ear. 

Xiaojun pulls back after taking a moment to get his feelings under control. “There’s another thing I want to tell you. I’ve wanted to tell you for awhile, but I’ve been afraid,” he admits. Lucas nods, waiting for him to continue. 

“I’m gay,” Xiaojun says quickly. “That’s why they bullied me. They could tell I was different and they didn’t like it. I know everyone in our group is an LGBT-ally, and is so respectful of Hendery and Ten’s relationship, but it still scares me to talk about it. After everything I went through in high school, I thought that maybe this a part of myself that is better kept hidden,” he admits, unable to meet Lucas’ eyes again. 

“Hey, don’t say that,” Lucas says, grabbing Xiaojun’s chin and forcing him to look at him. “You’re like the best person I’ve ever met, Xiaojun. I don’t think you should keep any part of yourself hidden,” he responds, causing Xiaojun to blush shyly.

“I understand why you’d be worried though, but I promise you that if anyone tries to hurt you like that again, I will be there to stop it. I think you should come to the party and live your life as authentically as you want, and replace the memories that are haunting you with happier ones surrounded by people who love and accept you. What do you say? Will you come?” Lucas asks gently. 

Xiaojun offers a gentle smile, before nodding slightly. “I’m still a little scared, but you’re right. I want to move on from what happened to me,” he admits, and Lucas feels himself swell with pride. The boy sitting in front of him is so brave, and Lucas feels so lucky that he gets to be a floating figure in his orbit. 

They spend the rest of the night talking, Xiaojun opening up more and more until they are too tired to continue. Lucas, despite his own bed being only a foot away, decides to spend the night in Xiaojun’s bed with him. They’ve slept in the same bed together several times before, and Lucas can’t help but want to be close to his best friend after everything he’s learned about his past this evening. 

Lucas is almost asleep, Xiaojun’s arms wrapped firmly around his waist just the way Lucas likes it, when Xiaojun speaks quietly into his ear. “I just realized something. I don’t have a costume for the party,” he says lowly. Lucas chuckles in his half asleep state. 

“Don’t worry. I have an idea.”

☽

Lucas has never showed up to a party looking so ridiculous before, but he supposes it’s worth it when he sees the giant smile on Xiaojun’s face. Lucas came up with the idea of totally re-doing Xiaojun’s failed party experience, complete with the smaller boy wearing the dreaded Kermit the Frog costume. 

However, this time he isn’t completely alone. Because what is Kermit the Frog without Miss Piggy? Lucas is wearing the costume of a pig mixed with the costume of a showgirl, complete with too-much makeup and a cheap synthetic wig. Despite it all, he feels fabulous. 

Because the best part of his costume is how happy it makes Xiaojun. Lucas is so glad that he can help him, can bring fond memories to something that was once so toxic for him. They spend the night attached at the hip, not leaving each other’s side for longer than it takes to pour a new drink. 

They might even win the contest for best couple’s costume, much to Ten’s chagrin. The older boy had spent all week sewing his and Hendery’s costumes to perfection, getting all of the details right. They are going as Yzma and Kronk from the Emperor’s New Groove and Ten is in full drag for the occasion. 

To lose to Xiaojun and Lucas’ poorly put together outfits would be a huge blow to the amount of work he put in, but even Ten can’t deny that they two are incredibly endearing as they stare at him with matching grins. 

When Lucas and Xiaojun arrive, they head straight to the beer pong tables. They play for awhile, though they aren’t a particularly skilled team. Lucas is competitive and horrible at the game, while Xiaojun is has excellent accuracy but doesn’t care. It doesn’t seem to work out in their favor, and by the time they’re done, Lucas is feeling exceptionally drunk from all of the beer he’s been forced to drink.

The liquid courage inspires him to pull Xiaojun to the dance floor where he promptly makes a fool out of himself. Lucas has long limbs, and he still doesn’t have 100% control over them in a way that allows his movements to be graceful. By the way Xiaojun is laughing at him, he guesses he probably looks like a flailing chicken. 

Lucas stops for a moment, and takes in the sight in front of him. Xiaojun’s head is rolled back, eyes shut in amusement as a wide grin overtakes his entire face. Lucas thinks, despite how green he is, that he looks absolutely breathtaking. 

Xiaojun blushes when they meet each other’s eyes, a small smile replacing his previous wider one. While this smile isn’t nearly as big, it carries a lot more emotion in it and _Wow, he is so beautiful._

Lucas’ thoughts are interrupted by an announcement from Jaehyun, the host of the party. He is giving out prizes for best couples costume, gaining the attention of everyone there. 

“Now obviously I am not allowed to participate because otherwise I’d win,” Jaehyun says, gesturing to his boyfriend Jungwoo and their matching Jack and Rose costumes. Everyone laughs heartily, though most people are drunk enough that they’d find anything amusing. 

“It was a tight race this year,” Jaehyun announces. “But ultimately, the couple has been chosen. The winners will receive gift cards to my father’s restaurant for a celebratory date,” he explains, the room buzzing with excitement. 

Lucas is not expecting his and Xiaojun’s costumes to win, shocked when Jaehyun announces their names and hands the gift card over to Lucas, patting his back before heading back to the party. Xiaojun stands beside him, smiling so brightly that Lucas can’t help but replicate the expression. 

“Thank you,” Xiaojun says softly, surprising Lucas at the sudden statement. “I had so much fun tonight. You were right, it did work. My negative costume party memories don’t even feel real anymore. And I felt accepted tonight, by everyone. But especially you…” he trails off suddenly becoming shy at the words. 

Lucas, still too drunk to have any sort of tact, pulls him into a bear hug, nearly suffocating his smaller friend. “Anything for you, buddy,” he says, much too loudly into Xiaojun’s ear. Xiaojun pulls away with an unamused expression on his face. 

“Umm… about the gift certificate,” Xiaojun begins, before being interrupted by someone coming up to them. Lucas turns and sees Song Yuqi, a girl from his Spanish class. A _very attractive_ girl from his Spanish class. 

“Hi Lucas,” Yuqi says sweetly, giving him a quick hug. “I really like your costume, it’s so funny. You always make me laugh,” she says, and Lucas can detect a certain playfulness in her voice. 

This is the opportunity he’d been hoping for, and he’s definitely going to take it. He turns to Xiaojun, but the younger boy has already scurried off somewhere. 

Lucas turns back to Yuqi and they continue talking for awhile before one thing leads to another. Next thing Lucas knows, the two of them are kissing in the corner of the party. It’s everything Lucas had been wanting since the semester began, but somehow he finds himself feeling underwhelmed by the kiss. Maybe it’s the alcohol. 

☽

Lucas groans, as he wakes up the next morning to the sun shining directly into his eyes. His bedroom is a mess, but Lucas acknowledges that it is entirely his fault. He came home the night prior drunk, and unwilling to find proper pajamas. He took his costume off and threw it on the floor, choosing to sleep in his underwear instead of the itchy dress he had on.

He gets up, picking up the various parts of his costume and puts it in his laundry basket. He then grabs some sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, before heading to the shower. 

He stands under the stream, letting the hot water soothe the aches in his body. He washes off whatever is remaining of the makeup on his face (there’s not much left), and washes his hair and body quickly. 

After getting dressed, he stumbles out into the common area of their suite and is greeted by a very hungover Yangyang, who is stuffing a plain piece of white bread into his mouth as he scrolls through his phone. 

“Did I miss breakfast?” Lucas asked, Yangyang looking up in surprise at the intruder. He shakes his head gently, careful not to disturb the pounding in his head. 

“Nope,” he begins, getting Lucas’ hopes up. “We aren’t meeting anymore, Ten and Hendery had a fight last night,” he explains, causing Lucas to sigh in disappointment. The two have gotten into fights before, but never bad enough that they’ve had to cancel plans over it. 

“What happened?” Lucas asks cautiously, trying to gauge the damage that is currently overtaking their friend group. Yangyang, however, proves to be difficult in the situation. 

“Dude, you’re asking the wrong person here. I like barely have the ability to process my own emotions. I stay out of drama that doesn’t involve me,” Yangyang replies. 

Lucas nods in understanding, he himself not being the best at understanding other people’s feelings, much less his own. “Is Hendery home? And where is Xiaojun? He wasn’t in our room when I woke up this morning?” he asks in curiosity.

“Hendery is moping in our room. I don’t know where Xiaojun is though, probably studying or something. You know how he is,” Yangyang explains, and yeah _Lucas does know._

Xiaojun arguably cares more about academics more than any of them, and is constantly overworking himself, trying to make his marks. He always earns perfect scores but that doesn’t seem to do much to ease his nerves. He has a performance coming up later in the semester and Lucas knows the thought of it terrifies the smaller boy into locking himself into a practice room multiple times a week to sing until his throat hurts. 

Lucas and Yangyang sit in silence for a little while longer, until Yangyang gets up, announcing his intentions to nurse himself back to health (to throw up and then sleep till 5pm.) Lucas heads back to his room and gets started on his own chores for the day. 

He orders himself food, because he is starving and can’t cook, and really _really_wants fried dumplings to help ease his slight hangover. He devours his food within minutes of it arriving and immediately goes back to sleep for a couple of hours. 

When he wakes up, his room is still empty and he decides to face the day. He cleans his bedroom, feeling slightly guilty for the disastrous state he left it in. He also gets his laundry done, and reads a couple of chapters for his Macro class. 

He doesn’t check his phone until nearly 6pm, and sees various messages from multiple people. Someone in his psych class needs to borrow notes, Kun checks and makes sure he is feeling okay like the mom-friend he is, and Yuqi tells him that she had a great time last night. Lucas doesn’t know how to reply to the last one. 

The two of them made out for a good portion of the night, until Lucas got tired and decided he was ready to go back to his suite and sleep. Yuqi’s disappointment was obvious, but Lucas was too drunk to feel bad about it at the time. Especially because he wasn’t really feeling it. 

Yuqi was basically the girl of Lucas’ dreams, however, something felt off last night. Lucas can’t seem to put his finger on it, but he assumes the two are simply better off as friends. That’s fine for Lucas, there are plenty of other girls out there. 

He replies to his messages quickly and vaguely, before he heads back out to the common area of the suite, where he is greeted by Hendery, who looks, to put it mildly, _terrible_. His eyes are red and glassy, with dark circles under them indicating his exhaustion. He’s dressed in his pajamas and looks like he hasn’t showered all day.

It worries Lucas to see his close friend in such a miserable looking state, and while he himself is practically a giant baby, he knows he has to try to take care of his friend as best as he can right now. He makes them both ramen, because they are broke and lazy college students, therefore their diet is _mostly_ ramen. That and Lucas can’t really cook much else.

He sits Hendery down and the two eat in silence before Lucas tentatively asks “Do you want to talk about it?” Hendery startles at the questions but nods gently. 

“Ten’s mad at me,” he says looking down, unable to meet Lucas’ eyes. “Like really mad. He won’t even talk to me.” Hendery’s voice breaks at the end of his sentence and Lucas wonders what could have possibly happened that would make Ten _this_ mad at him. 

Lucas looks at Hendery expectantly, before the other boy continues. “He thought I was checking a girl out. And I wasn’t- I was just trying to figure out what her costume was,” he explains much to Lucas’ confusion. 

“Ten and I have been dating for almost three years and he’s still so insecure. He thinks I’m going to leave him for some girl that comes around. He believes I don’t see a future with him, which is _ridiculous_-” Hendery vents before Lucas cuts him off. 

“Wait a minute, I’m confused. Why would you leave Ten for a girl, aren’t you gay?” Lucas questions, genuinely confused by everything he is hearing. Hendery rolls him eyes before replying, “I’m bisexual, Lucas. Ten is the first boy I’ve ever been.”

Lucas processes the words carefully, trying to grasp what Hendery is trying to say. “So what? You like both boys and girls?” he questions, which, in turn makes Hendery even more annoyed. 

“Yes. Do you have a problem with that? Because I am sick of bi-erasure and I’m not going to put up with any bullshit from you on top of everything else I’m dealing with right now,” Hendery questions, causing Lucas to raise his arms in surrender. 

“No dude, we’re all cool here. I just don’t know much about it. I’ve never met anyone who was bisexual before. I barely even knew that it was a thing,” Lucas explains, before trying to turn the conversation back. “I still don’t understand why Ten would think that of you though.”

Hendery sighs before putting his head in his hands. “Ten had an ex-boyfriend who dumped him because he was just experimenting and realized he was straight or whatever. And he thinks I’m going to do that too for some reason. I just don’t know how to prove to him that I love him and am in this for the long haul,” he says brokenly. 

Lucas pulls him into a hug, reassuring him. “We’ll figure it out, don’t worry. Are you done with homework?” he asks, to which Hendery nods. “Let’s watch Harry Potter and ignore our problems until tomorrow. I think we’re both too tired to do any actual problem solving right now,” to which Hendery agrees. 

They’ve finished all of _The Sorcerer's Stone_, and are halfway into _The Chamber of Secrets_, by the time Yangyang gets back to the suite. He joins their marathon, and Lucas tries not to worry too much over the fact that he hasn’t heard from Xiaojun all day. 

They spend the rest of the night bingeing most of the series, and Lucas’ anxiety regarding Xiaojun’s whereabouts festers until he is reaching for his phone and composing a hasty “where r u” text. It’s several minutes by the time he gets a response, and Lucas tries not to draw attention to himself with how quickly he reaches for his phone. 

**Staying w Ten rn. He needs me. **

Lucas lets both relief and disappoint him flow through his body. He is happy that Xiaojun is safe, but he can’t help but miss the boy, even if it’s been less than 24 hours since they have last spoken. Xiaojun has managed to carve out a small place for himself in Lucas’ life in the few months they’ve known each other, and he feels somewhat empty with the boy right by his side. 

But Ten needs Xiaojun right now more than Lucas does, or at least that’s what he tries to tell himself. Because part of Lucas thinks he’ll always need the petite boy in some way or another. They really are great friends, special friends. 

Lucas goes to bed shortly after, already looking forward to tomorrow, when he will (hopefully) have Xiaojun by his side again. 

-

Turns out, Lucas was wrong to be hopeful. The next few days pass incredibly bleak, and Lucas can’t seem to catch Xiaojun when he stops by the suite to pick up the stuff he needs for the week. Hendery and Ten haven’t made up either, much to everyone’s dismay. Lucas feels like the special family he’s fostered since the beginning of the year is falling apart and he doesn’t know how to handle it. 

He’s been spending most of his time with Winwin. It’s easy to pretend that everything is fine when hanging out with the older boy, who has mastered the art of not giving a fuck about anything. 

But when Lucas lays awake at night, alone in his bedroom, he lets the neediness creep up onto him. This is the longest he’s been apart from Xiaojun since knowing him, and Lucas misses having someone to talk to about his day. Xiaojun makes Lucas feel comfortable, like he doesn’t have to put on a front all the time pretending to be perfect. He wonders if it was a mistake letting his guard down, if the imperfection became too much to handle; if it pushed Xiaojun away. 

He resorts to calling his mom twice a day out of loneliness. She is all the way in Hong Kong and Lucas misses her so much his chest aches, but he knows he is making her proud by continuing his education at a prestigious American university.

After days of speculation, Lucas decides that he can’t take it anymore. His anxiety is at an all time high and he knows he needs to confront it. So once he has finished all of his classes for the day, instead of going home, he goes to Ten’s apartment. 

Lucas knocks on doors the same way he does most things, loudly and as fast as possible. He only has to wait a couple of seconds, before a bewildered Kun answers the door, chagrined at the loud intruder in the middle of the week disturbing his study time.

“Winwin’s not here,” Kun says once he catches sight of Lucas. “I’m headed to class right now so I can’t entertain you either,” he replies. 

“Uh, I’m actually here to see Ten?” Lucas says unconfidently, almost like a question. Kun leans back against the door frame and stares him up and down. 

“Ah, you’re going to try to take a crack at him I see. Well good luck, he isn’t listening to anyone at the moment. He’s in his room with Xiaojun right now,” Kun says, opening the door enough for Lucas to slip through before he leaves for class. 

Lucas barges into Ten’s room without knocking, surprising the older boy who sits perched on his bed painting his nails, as well as Xiaojun who is sitting at Ten’s desk reading. 

“What are you doing here?” Ten asks, not the least bit excited to see him, even though it's been days since they’ve last spoken. “Aren’t you on _his_ side?” he scoffs. Xiaojun just rolls his eyes, being well-versed in Ten’s dramatics. 

Lucas doesn’t let the hostile attitude deter him, however, and flops onto the bed, causing Ten to squawk and grab his nail polish, putting it on his nightstand. The last thing he needs on top of his stress from his fight with his boyfriend is a ruined comforter thanks to Lucas and his giant ass body. 

“Come on now, Ten. You know I don’t pick sides. I’m Switzerland, here. Besides, don’t you think you it’s about time to resolve this petty little fight anyway?” Lucas suggests, causing the scowl on Ten’s face to deepen even more. 

“It’s not petty. And no I’m not ready to resolve it. I don’t even know if it _can_ be resolved if I’m being perfectly honest here,” Ten replies, steadfast in his own heartbreak. Lucas sighed deeply, knowing full well that this was going to be a tough case to crack. Luckily for Ten and Hendery, however, Lucas does not give up when it comes to true love. 

“If you don’t think it can be resolved, why did you keep the flowers he sent you?” Lucas asks, tone pointed in his questioning. Ten’s eyes immediately go to the bouquet of roses resting in a pretty crystal vase on his nightstand, face red as if he had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. 

“So I can’t appreciate a nice bouquet of flowers? They mean absolutely nothing to me. It would be a waste to just throw them out…” Ten says, convincing absolutely no one. “Yeah right,” Xiaojun mutters under his breath, causing the older to turn his glare towards him. 

Lucas reaches out and touches a petal, before speaking again. “You know roses symbolize love right? It’s a little sadistic isn’t it? That roses have such sharp thorns,” he pokes a thorn gently with the tip of his finger as if to prove his point. “To give someone a rose, you have to risk getting hurt.” 

Ten nods along, uncharacteristically quiet, as if he is lost in thought. “But I guess that what makes it so symbolic, you know? Because love is painful. If you want the benefits of something so beautiful, you have to put up with the risk of getting hurt,” Lucas finishes. 

Ten looks up at Lucas with tears in his eyes, vulnerable in front of him for the first time in as long as they’ve known each other. 

“But the more beautiful the rose it, the more it hurts when you get pricked by a thorn,” Ten explains, voice fragile and broken and not anything like Lucas has ever heard from him before. 

It’s Xiaojun who speaks up next. “But just because you’ve been pricked once doesn’t mean you should give up on all roses. Imagine the world without flowers. How sad and dull it would be,” he says, continuing the metaphor. 

Ten is uncharacteristically quiet as Xiaojun and Lucas wait for him to say something. “Get out,” he says suddenly shocking both of them. “I need to make a phone call,” Ten explains further, and Lucas and Xiaojun give each other knowing looks. 

Xiaojun gathers up his stuff and the two walk home, Lucas’ heart feels like it is settling back into place after days of uneasiness. When they get home, they catch Hendery rushing out the door, and it’s just confirmation that everything is going to be okay again. 

☽

That night, as Lucas gets ready for bed, he looks across the room to see Xiaojun snuggled into bed for the first time in days and the image feels like home more than anything else he’s experienced since he entered University. 

It’s then that he makes the executive decision to abandon his bed for the night in favor of sleeping with Xiaojun. He tells himself that it’s because he missed the other boy and not because his body invites him like a siren hypnotizing a lost sailor. 

Xiaojun doesn’t seem phased when Lucas crawls under the blankets with him, not even bothering to look up from his phone where he is scrolling through Twitter. It isn’t until Lucas speaks up that he puts his phone down and turns towards the tall boy in his bed. 

“Just out of curiosity, why were you the one who Ten turned to? I didn’t know that you guys were particularly close like that,” Lucas inquires. 

“Well…” Xiaojun begins, looking a little unsure. “I think Ten and I are similar in a lot of ways. We’re both quite sensitive and… I think sometimes we both question whether we are worthy of love,” he admits. 

Lucas opens his mouth to speak, but Xiaojun cuts him off. “But you were right. Sometimes the high is worth the pain. And I think I’m beginning to realize that I deserve nice things. I know it won’t improve overnight but, well, I’m working on it.”

Lucas nods, proud of the improvements his friend is making, proud of the vulnerability that he is showing. It makes him want to open up a little too. “I guess I can kind of relate in a way,” Lucas says. Xiaojun sits up, looking at him with confusion in his eyes. 

“But everyone loves you?” Xiaojun says, voice going high at the end like its a question rather than a statement. 

“But nobody knows me!” Lucas exclaims, feeling the need to defend his feelings as valid after being questioned. “People love this idealized version of me but no one ever bothers to get to know who I actually am. I have hundreds of acquaintances but you guys are my only friends,” he says, cutting himself when the emotion becomes too much. 

Xiaojun is quiet for a second, a guilty look on his face. “Well… I know you,” he finally replies. “And I love you for who you are.” His voice is so raw and honest that it almost feels deeper than a friend comforting a friend. But before Lucas can reply, Xiaojun rambles like he always does when he is feeling anxious. 

“I mean we all love you. Me and all the guys. And what about Yuqi? Don’t you guys have a thing going on?” Xiaojun questions, face looking questionably sour as he speaks. 

“Uhhh no actually. It was a one time thing. I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s awesome. I just wasn’t really feeling it,” Lucas responds, snuggling into Xiaojun’s side. “I’m tired, let’s talk about this some other time” he mumbles into the smaller boy’s chest. 

Xiaojun reaches for the lamp on his nightstand, turning it off before cuddling into the blankets. Lucas’ eyes are already closed, meaning he misses the subtle look of relief on his best friend’s face. 

☽

After a general consensus that Xiaojun and Lucas missed each other a lot during their days apart, and that they sleep better together than apart, they move exclusively to Xiaojun’s bed every night. Lucas doesn’t know why he feels so at home snuggled up to his best friend, but he assumes it must be the feeling of being accepted by a close and loving friend for the first time in his life. 

School picks up for the both of them, and Lucas doesn’t bother keeping track of the days. Which is why, to his surprise, he is bombarded one night in bed by his suitemates barging into the room at waking him up.

He’s been so busy during the day that Lucas has taken to going to bed early, too exhausted to bear to stay up any longer. He untangles himself from Xiaojun’s arms to look at the clock at the wall. It reads exactly midnight. 

“Happy Birthday!” Yangyang and Hendery shout, dressed in ridiculous party hats and holding a lopsided pink cake. It is only then that Lucas realizes that it is his birthday, and he has completely forgotten. In his defense, he’s never really been one to celebrate his birthday anyway. 

Yangyang and Hendery look kind of confused when they find Lucas in Xiaojun’s bed, but neither comment on it. The two of them, along with Xiaojun who had woken up amongst the commotion, sing him happy birthday. 

They spend some time passing around the cake and taking bites from it (Lucas has already brushed his teeth for the night but he supposes its fine for one night), and sending Lucas their well wishes. 

Eventually Hendery and Yangyang leave to go to bed, and Xiaojun tucks Lucas into the crook of his neck. “Go to sleep,” he mumbles into Lucas’ ear, “I have a big day planned for you tomorrow.”

Lucas falls asleep with a smile on his face. This was the first time any of his friends have ever remembered his birthday. 

☽

When Lucas wakes up the next morning, Xiaojun is already awake, folding laundry on the floor in the middle of the room. 

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Xiaojun smiles at him once he’s noticed he’s awake. It makes Lucas feel warm, despite the colder temperature in the air, and he stretches his arms over his head with his own goofy grin plastered to his face. 

“I have the entire day planned for you, so I hope you’re ready. I’m going to make sure you have the best birthday ever,” Xiaojun promises.

“That shouldn’t be hard,” Lucas laughs. “I don’t really celebrate my birthday, so I don’t have much to compare it to. What’s the first thing on the agenda?” he asks. 

Xiaojun sets aside the sweatshirt (Lucas’) that he is folding and looks up at his best friend. “Well I know how much you love working out, so I thought you could start by going to the gym. I’ll have breakfast ready by the time you come back,” Xiaojun explains. 

Lucas gets up and heads out without much fuss. Exercising is a fundamental part of his day, as much as bathing or calling his mother is. Especially this time of year, when academics and the pressure to be perfect builds up so much that it threatens the stability of his mental health. Making time for his mind to rest for awhile used to be the only thing that kept Lucas sane. Luckily, he has other things that help him relax now. 

Lucas does a standard workout in the gym attached to their building before heading back to their suite. When he walks in, the smell of sweet, buttery pancakes fill his nostrils. His mouth waters on instinct, and he heads straight to the kitchen to find Xiaojun in a frilly pink apron hovering over the stove. 

“It’s almost ready,” Xiaojun says, startling Lucas out of his thoughts. “Why don’t you shower real quick, and I’ll set the table,” he suggests and Lucas is quick to oblige. He gets ready quickly before heading back to the living area to see the most perfect stack of pancakes he has ever seen sitting there waiting for him. 

“You really didn’t have to do all this, you know,” Lucas mumbles, sitting down and reaching for his fork. “I’d be happy with just a card or something.” 

Xiaojun just grins, “Oh baby, I’m just getting started. We have a whole day planned ahead of us.” Lucas just stares down shyly at his plate. No one has ever paid this much attention to him on his birthday, even his parents. It’s kind of overwhelming. 

After Lucas eats his weight in pancakes, the two head out to their next activity. Lucas is still completely in the dark, but he trusts Xiaojun to take them somewhere enjoyable. Lucas is expecting to be brought to a park, or maybe a basketball game, but he is shocked to learn they will be doing something much more exciting. 

“You’re taking me _bungee jumping_?” Lucas practically screams, shocked that Xiaojun would bring him to do something so adventurous given his usually cautious attitude. 

“You told me it was the number one thing on your bucket list one time. I thought we could try it, maybe?” Xiaojun says nervously, like he is afraid he has made the wrong decision. 

Lucas’ face, however, reassures him immediately as he breaks out into a wide grin. He quickly pulls Xiaojun in for a hug, “You’re absolutely amazing you know that? I can’t believe you planned this,” he yells in his ear. 

Lucas blabbers on the entire way up to the platform, too excited to notice the way Xiaojun’s face turns more and more troubled as time goes on. It isn’t until they are strapped together ready to jump that Lucas realizes that Xiaojun is scared. 

“Hey, you okay?” he asks quickly, to which the shorter boy responds with a short, unconvincing nod. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t wan-” Lucas begins before being cut off by Xiaojun shaking his head violently. 

“Absolutely not. I am doing this. _We_ are doing this,” he replies. And that is all the reassurance the guide needs to push them off the ledge and send them free falling hundreds of feet into the air. 

Xiaojun yells so loud that Lucas thinks he might have damaged his vocal cords and Lucas’ eardrums, but his screams quickly disappear, turning into the cutest little giggles Lucas has ever heard. 

It really is amazing how well they balance each other out. Lucas being loud and energetic and needing someone to help calm him down, whereas Xiaojun is shy and cautious and needs someone to break him out of his shell. It’s like two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly, both with jagged edges but coming together to create something beautiful. 

The rest of the day that follows is nothing short of amazing. The two continue their thrill-seeking adventures at a nearby amusement park, where Lucas forces Xiaojun on all of the rides with the promise to hold his hand if it gets too scary. 

(Xiaojun also wins him a giant teddy bear after twelve attempts at a baseball throwing game, which Lucas carries around with pride all day but that’s beside the point.)

By the time the sun is starting to set, Lucas is starving again. He’s a tall guy, and the greasy carnival food the two ate hours earlier wasn’t enough to satiate his hunger. Luckily, Xiaojun promises to take them to dinner. 

Lucas is so hungry that he would choose to eat anywhere, but when they pull up to his favorite Thai restaurant in town, he can’t help but feel grateful that Xiaojun is the one calling the shots. He knows him best anyways. 

When he enters the restaurant, he is shocked to see a table already waiting for him. The gang's all there, and much to Lucas’ surprise, there is a special guest sitting in between Winwin and Yangyang. 

“_Mom_?” Lucas asks in disbelief. Last time he checked his mother was all the way over in Hong Kong. He turns to Xiaojun, looking at him with a confused look on his face. 

“Surprise!” is all Xiaojun says, but it’s enough for him to snap out of his daze and rush into his mother’s embrace. He holds her tightly, breathing in her scent and committing it to memory. He can’t believe she is here, can’t even process it. He pulls away from her with tears in his eyes and stares at her inquisitively. 

“I planned the surprise with Xiaojun. It was so hard to keep it a secret from you, Xuxi, but it was so worth it to see the look of disbelief on your face,” she says, patting his cheek gently. 

Lucas turns to Xiaojun who is standing in front of his shyly, before reaching out and pulling him into a tight hug. “Thank you so much,” he whispers into his ear. “You have no idea how much you’ve done for me.” Xiaojun just grips back tightly, not bothering to reply. 

They stand there, holding each other for longer than Lucas thinks is normal, but he can’t bring himself to pull away. Not after everything the smaller boy has done for him today. 

The moment eventually gets broken up by Yangyang whispering loudly “I’m hungry,” causing everyone to laugh except Kun, who lectures his brother about breaking up cute moments for others. 

They order tons of food, all of Lucas’ favorites, and he doesn’t stop smiling the entire time. He is surrounded by his favorite people in the world, and for the first time ever, Lucas feeling truly _loved_. 

☽

Later that night, Lucas walks his mother back to the hotel where she is staying. He is spending the night with her and spending tomorrow with her before she leaves to go back to Hong Kong. He wishes they had more time together, but he didn’t even think they would have the time they have now. He’s grateful to Xiaojun for that, he thinks to himself, a small smile creeping up onto his face. 

“You know,” his mom says knowingly, “Those boys are something special. I’m so glad you finally found your people, darling. You seemed so happy tonight,” she says, clutching his arm as they walk side by side. 

“I’m glad you liked them,” Lucas smiles down at her. He’s glad that his mom approves of his friends, but it isn’t surprising. Lucas knows his mother has a big heart, large enough to welcome all six of them, regardless of how wild they may be. 

“You know who I liked best? Xiaojun,” his mom says gently, giving Lucas a knowing smile. “He’s good for you, brings out a new side of you, a gentler side.” 

Lucas feels his face heat up at the suggestive nature of her voice, but he can’t deny how right she is. Xiaojun is _so_ good to him, sometimes too good in a way that makes Lucas question if he even deserves it. And he brings out the very best in him, pushing Lucas to become a better and better version of himself. 

Unable to think of a response good enough to express the weight of what he feels for Xiaojun, Lucas chooses to change the subject instead. He spends the rest of his birthday celebrating with his mother in her hotel room, catching up and making Lucas’ heart feel so full it could burst. 

However, when he is laying in the queen-sized bed hotel room, his mother asleep across from him in her own bed, he realizes that he is actually kind of uncomfortable. Not only because the sheets are tucked so tightly into the bed that he can’t move, but also because he is alone. 

He’s gotten so used to sleeping with Xiaojun that he can’t quite remember how to get comfortable on his own. It isn’t until he rearranges the pillows around him to press against his back that he is able to lull himself to sleep. Lucas has been spoiled, having found a friend who will always be his big spoon. 

He knows the safe feeling he gets from sleeping against Xiaojun isn’t going to last forever, that he needs to get used to sleeping on his own again eventually. But as long as Xiaojun puts up with Lucas’ need to be held like a baby, he will keep indulging himself. That’s what best friends are for, right?

☽

Lucas spends the rest of the weekend with his mother, before he drops her off at the airport to fly back to Hong Kong. He’s going to miss her, but she has a life miles away and Lucas has his own responsibilities to get back to. Specifically, the homework he’s been avoided in favor for his birthday celebrations. 

He throws himself back into his usual routine, though something has changed; shifted slightly. Ever since he had gotten back to the suite Sunday evening, he has spent every waking hour he isn’t in class or at the gym with Xiaojun. 

There is something about the smaller boy, especially after everything he did for his birthday, that draws Lucas in like a magnet. They eat their meals together, go to the library together, do their reading assignments cuddled in bed together. 

Sometimes Lucas even waits outside of the music building on campus, waiting for Xiaojun to finish practicing for his upcoming showcase so that they can walk home together. Xiaojun’s bright small as he accepts the lemon and honey tea that Lucas brings him just makes it all the more worth it to Lucas. 

It’s like the more they’re together, the more Lucas wants. Sometimes he feels guilty for wanting so much, for entering Xiaojun’s world and doing nothing but take. He takes absolutely everything Xiaojun gives him hungrily; as if he is starving for the boy’s time and affection. And as time goes on, Lucas finds himself opening up even more to Xiaojun, being more vulnerable in front of him than ever before. 

“I noticed something during your birthday dinner,” Xiaojun remarks one night, when the lights have already been turned off and they are cuddled up together in bed. Lucas hums in response waiting for the boy to continue. 

“Your mom called you Sushi that night. Is that like a pet name or something?” Xiaojun asks curiously. 

Lucas laughs at the question, hiding his face in the smaller boy’s chest. “No, my Chinese name is Xuxi. That’s why she said it. And my Cantonese name is Yukhei. Lucas is just something I’ve gone by at school since I was young,” he explains. 

Xiaojun nods along. “Is there a reason you choose to go by Lucas? Instead of your real name?” he asks carefully, like he doesn’t know what type of conversation he is about to open up by asking. 

Lucas thinks carefully, unsure of how honestly he should answer. He would never intentionally lie to Xiaojun, but sometimes it’s easier to omit facts than to tell the truth about how he is feeling. But something about the darkness in the room and Xiaojun’s heart beating firmly against his chest gives Lucas to courage to open up.

“I think Lucas is kind of like the mask I’ve been wearing. I always tried so hard to be perfect that I never got close to people. I didn’t want them to know that I was a fraud. Lucas felt like a persona I could play, so no one would get to see the real me. No one would get to meet Xuxi and decide that he wasn’t enough for them,” he admits quietly. It’s scary to be this vulnerable, but finally admitting how he’s been feeling to someone feels like a weight being lifted off of his shoulders. 

Xiaojun just nods and strokes him back. “Well, for what it’s worth, I know Xuxi pretty well and I think he’s amazing. And for the record, Xiaojun isn’t my real name either. It’s actually Dejun,” he confesses, causing Lucas to lift his head in shock. 

“What? Why do you go by Xiaojun then? It can’t be for the same reason as me, right?” Lucas pries, astonished that they have yet another thing in common. 

“No, not like that. After being bullied in high school, I kind of wanted a fresh start. An opportunity to live authentically and not be ridiculed for it. Also, I was kind of worried that if any of my bullies ended up coming here, they would be able to find me pretty easily. I know it’s kind of stupid, but it gives me piece of mind,” Xiaojun explains. 

Lucas understands perfectly, even though their reasoning is completely different. Lucas was running away from something, who he actually has, instead choosing to hide behind a mask for so long. Xiaojun is the opposite, he was running towards something. Running towards hope and the promise that tomorrow would be better despite all the pain he’s endured. 

“Well, I think I’m ready to start showing the world more of Xuxi. As long as you promise to start showing Dejun more often too,” Lucas says, holding out his pinky. Xiaojun latches onto his pinky, shaking it gently with a promise that feels greater than what he anticipated. 

“Deal.”

☽

Lucas finishes the week, ready to enjoy the weekend. All of his assignments are done, and he doesn’t have to worry about his exams for another couple of weeks. This means he can enjoy Xiaojun’s showcase without any negative thoughts drawing his attention away. 

Xiaojun’s been practicing for weeks, though Lucas doesn’t know much about the performance other than that the smaller boy is singing a solo. He’s been nervous about it for weeks, his fingernails bitten raw with anxiety. Lucas doesn’t get why the boy is nervous, Xiaojun’s got a golden voice and he knows everyone will be blown away no matter what his performance entails. 

He enters the auditorium just before the show begins, holding a giant bouquet of roses and sliding into a seat next to Hendery, who is already there with the rest of his friends. 

“There you are! I was worried you would be late, but I should’ve known you’d be picking up flowers for your boyfriend,” Hendery laughs, much to Lucas’ confusion. 

“Boyfriend? What are you talking about?” Lucas asks apprehensively. 

“Oh I see,” Hendery responds. “Not official yet? Well don’t be too stressed about it, it’s bound to happen eventually. You guys are so into each other it’s disgusting.”

Lucas opens his mouth to answer, then closes it again. He repeats the action several times before he finally finds his words again. “I think you’re mistaken. Xiaojun and I are just friends. There is nothing romantic going on between us. Also, I’m straight,” he responds, but his voice doesn’t sound convincing at all despite how much he believes in what he is saying. 

“But you guys sleep in the same bed? And he flew your mom out for your birthday?” Hendery questions, eyes going wide. He’s starting to get worked up and he’s attracting the attention of their friends, who listen on, despite pretending to be busy. 

“Yeah, well, we’re really close. It’s really not that big of a deal…” Lucas trails on, unsure of how to defend himself from Hendery’s accusations, and their friends wandering eyes. 

“But Lucas…” Hendery begins. “The way you act, it kind of seems like you’re leading Xiaojun on. Doing couple-y things with him when you say you aren’t attracted to him. Do you really not feel anything for him? Are you sure these feelings are different from something you’ve felt with women in the past?” he asks. 

Lucas opens his mouth to respond, but before he can, the lights turn off and the show begins. Lucas tries to pay attention to the first few acts, but it’s hard when Hendery dropped a massive bomb that’s making Lucas question everything.

When Xiaojun finally walks out however, all of Lucas’ thoughts stop immediately. Sudden he is hyper-focused on the petite boy on stage in front of him. When Xiaojun opens his mouth to begin singing, he finds himself even more in awe. 

_If you're not the one for me_  
_Then how come I can bring you to your knees_  
_If you're not the one for me_  
_Why do I hate the idea of being free?_  
_And if I'm not the one for you_  
_You've gotta stop holding me the way you do_  
_Oh honey if I'm not the one for you_  
_Why have we been through what we have been through_

The words are beautiful, but it’s Xiaojun’s performance that is really captivating. He sings like he believes in every word he is singing; like he has a message to share with someone who is listening. When the chorus hits, Lucas finally understands. 

_If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently_  
_Don't pretend that you don't want me_  
_Our love ain't water under the bridge_

_Oh_, Lucas thinks. _He's singing this to me._

And suddenly Lucas feels like the dumbest person on the planet. Because of course he’s in love with Xiaojun, it makes more sense than anything else on this confusing planet. 

Lucas had always considered himself straight, therefore, he had never even considered the possibility of loving Xiaojun in a way that was anything other than platonic. But now that he does, everything slots into place. Because Lucas would love him whether he was a boy, a girl, or even a purple genderless alien. Because it’s Xiaojun and he has given more to Lucas than he ever imagined possible in a world that has left him feeling so so lonely. 

So he listens to the rest of the song, gives Xiaojun a standing ovation, and then he runs. 

Lucas runs as fast as he can towards the stage door that leads backstage. He can’t make Xiaojun wait a second later; this has to happen now. 

He barges in and immediately starts looking around. A girl tries to stop him, “Hey, you can’t be back here, this is only for music majors and authorized personnel only,” but Lucas pays her no attention and keeps going. 

Then his eyes lock with piercing black coal eyes, and the world around him stops. “Lucas what are you doing back-” he begins before Lucas cuts him off. 

“I’m in love with you. I’m sorry I’m an idiot and I didn’t notice earlier but I’m so fucking in love with you and I had to tell you right away,” Lucas confesses. Xiaojun stares at him dumbfounded, so Lucas takes it as an opportunity to keep rambling. 

“I’ve never had a best friend before, so I never realized that my feelings weren’t normal for a platonic relationship. And I thought I was straight so I didn’t even consider the possibility that we could be together, but then Hendery asked if my feelings for you were different from my feelings for girls I’ve been with before. And I realized while you were singing that they are different. They are so much more than anything I’ve ever felt for anyone else before; so much deeper. I’m sorry I’ve been leading you on all this time but I love you. Please say you’ll have me,” he says before cutting himself off. 

Lucas stands there nervously, looking at Xiaojun, eyes begging him to say something. Lucas wants to keep rambling, to fill the void in case he has misread Xiaojun’s signals, but he’s said his piece. The ball is in Xiaojun’s court right now. 

“I-I just-”Xiaojun finally stutters. “I just never thought that you actually loved me back. I thought you came back here because you figured out what I was feeling and wanted to let me down gently like the song says.”

Out of everything the petite boy said, Lucas zeros in on three words: loved me back. Back. As in, Xiaojun is also in love with him. “Does this mean you love me too?” Lucas asks abruptly, needing to know for sure. Xiaojun nods his head slowly. 

“I want to hear you say it,” Lucas replies, the entire exchange not feeling real. An hour ago, the idea of Xiaojun and himself being in love with each other had never even crossed his mind, but now he feels like he’ll die if his newfound feelings aren’t reciprocated. 

“I’m so crazy in love with you Xuxi that I’m shocked it took you this long to notice,” Xiaojun says with a smile on his face, and it’s all Lucas needs before he is pulling the smaller boy in for a kiss. 

As their lips move against each other’s, it just confirms to him how well the two fit together. Lucas is standing there, kissing the love of his life who is actually a boy, and it feels perfect. Lucas never thought he’d be into dudes, but hey, he’s been wrong before. 

☽

It’s another Saturday morning and the seven of them are gathered for brunch. Yangyang is still hungover, and Kun still berates him for drinking too much, while Hendery and Ten spend the meal flirting over their breakfast, passing each other bites every couple of minutes like always. Winwin ignores them all in favor of his french toast as per usual, and the scene of them all together is so familiar that it makes Lucas’ heart ache. 

Only this time, Xiaojun is pressed firmly against his side, their hands intertwined under the table. This time Lucas takes breaks in between bites to press sticky kisses into the corner of his boyfriend’s mouth. This time, everything feels complete.

“There is no way I can possibly go out again tonight,” Yangyang groans. “Movie night?” he asks, to which every at the table agrees. 

“Actually, me and Lucas can’t. We’re finally going to use that gift card we won at that costume party and go out for a nice dinner,” Xiaojun explains. 

Ten scoffs upon hearing about the new couples’ plans. “You mean the gift card that was stolen from Hendery and I? The actual best costumes of the night? You guys weren’t even a couple back then,” he whines. 

“We could have been,” Xiaojun admits. “I almost drunkenly confessed after we won but Lucas ditched me to go make out with Song Yuqi before I could,” he says, clicking his tongue in his boyfriend’s direction. 

“I thought I was straight,” Lucas says in his defense, but his boyfriend just rolls his eyes. 

“Well you were wrong. Very wrong, from what I can tell after walking in on you guys last week,” Hendery complains, Xiaojun going red immediately. 

Lucas, however, has no shame. “Knock next time. Also, for what it’s worth, I’ve never been so glad to be wrong about something in my life,” he says sweetly, smiling softly at his boyfriend. 

Their friends groan in response, Winwin muttering “Disgusting!” under his breath. But it’s easy to ignore his friends (family at this point) when the love his life pulls him in for another loving kiss, teeth clacking because they can’t stop smiling. 

Xiaojun wasn’t what Lucas was expecting, but he’s perfect for him.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic has been such a journey. i took a long mental health break in the middle, but i'm actually quite pleased with how it turned out. 
> 
> i loved way v dream plan (can u tell it inspired some scenes??) and i'm excited to write more way v pairings in the future (kunten maybe??) also there is a sad lack of lucas/xiaojun fic so i hope this story can inspire more.
> 
> the song xiaojun sings is adele which is kind of funny because i was really pissed off when her album beat beyonce's for album of the year at the grammys. 
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/lefargenjeno)
> 
> [my cc](https://curiouscat.me/lefargen)


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